All 4 game Reviews

Treadmillasaurus Rex Treadmillasaurus Rex

Rated 4 / 5 stars

God, I love this game...

Look, I'm all about killing turtles or elephants or whatever, but if I had a goddamn TYRANNOSAURUS REX with that kind of cardio fitness, I wouldn't put him on a laser-spike-death treadmill. I'd put a saddle and a top hat on that fucker and ride him to the homes of people I don't like.

My only gripe is that on rare occasions, a fast treadmill and strong wind will combine, and you literally cannot jump fast enough to keep ahead of the laser. Not a game breaker, but it sucks to be closing in on 75,000 and be killed off through no fault of your own.

Now I'm off to find some ice for my right hand. I won't be able to masturbate for days...

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Dragon Boy Dragon Boy

Rated 2 / 5 stars

I feel bad writing this...

This game is a flawed masterpiece. The concept itself is great, leveling up is addictive, raising the dragon is immensely satisfying.

But that damn lag... it makes this game virtually unplayable. I would be hacking away at the bad guys and needing to get away, and my character would still be executing commands I made five seconds ago. Those revivers are damn near uncatchable and the slime bonanza is a joke. Even on the lowest quality with no sound (which, by the way, turning the sound "off" in this game means noise stuttering in and out, not silence). Maybe those nifty particle effects weren't worth the computing cost, especially on hard when bad guys stick around a lot longer making more particle effects.

And the curve is another serious issue. That first boss throws off the natural growth process. Since your mage and your dragon are still worthless, you have to grind out half a dozen levels before you can beat him. Then the difficulty drops right off again in world 2, but by then you're so far ahead that you're basically invincible until the final boss.

I'm on the fence about the quadrant attacking system. It's innovative, but I don't know that it's an improvement on just 'click-to-attack-the-direction-you're -facing.' I can see it being a mega pain in the ass for people on laptops with only track pads.

And just to be a completely petty fuck, I'll add that you should have put the blacksmith within the same screen as the portal so you don't have to go back and forth to sell things.

But an awesome, awesome central concept. I hope for a sequel.

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Mario Play Mario Play

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars


He jumps a little too high, and I'm going to say shift was a bad call for jump because it triggers Sticky Keys for Windows users. Good concept, good graphics.

Achievement Unlocked 2 Achievement Unlocked 2

Rated 5 / 5 stars

I started this game with 250 medal points...

... and 10 minutes later I was up above 800. This is mad genius.